An inconspicuous & most nebulous blog - one instigating my desire to write, to share love, to log, to laugh, to explore & discover the animation & transportation of the written word from letters to feelings. Expression shared of many trivial & exciting experiences enjoyed within life. Observations, inspiration & motivation being the rebellious core of my journals.
3.57am, on the 17th March 1993 - with every breath, great enduring stamina, pain then stillness then pain & ultimately celebrations you entered our physical world. Still bathed in your womb waters you entered the birthing waters with much gusto & speed. A tornado of loving energy bursting to life from the deep , unknown to me, chambers within me. Your place of maturation, your sacred harbour, your place for evolving growth & safety, a bed of nourishment, love & protection for 9 months within me you did dwell. (Well it should've been 9 months but you decided to come 3 weeks early!!) At 3.57am your independent life commenced. Our Miracle of Love.
We were graced with the most precious gift of life, our darling Daughter. The most beautiful tiny little face, perfect as if painted by an artist . . not a crease, mark, bruise or wrinkled prune like complexion . . your little face was as serene as an angel sleeping. Beautiful smooth soft skin, cute delightful little button nose & divine angelic cupid bow mouth. Looking as if you'd just been dropped into our life from the heavens above. No sign of the traumas of your birth. Swaddled in a little new borns tiny birthing blanket they handed you to me. Not a sound, nor cry or whimpering came out of your mouth. Just a tiny little breath of life - moving your chest as you gently peacefully inhaled & exhaled - was the only indication of life. As I held you for the very first time, a tiny 6lb 10oz beautiful little sweet baby girl my heart, my Soul & my whole life as I knew it dissolved into infinite maternal love. As I held your tiny perfect long fingers I knew you would hold my heart forever as I would hold your hand forever, by your side with love I would always be. Your eyes opened when we were left alone to rest in the birthing lounge. Your eyes bright, curious & peaceful you looked straight into ours and when Daddy had to go home to go straight to work . You slept in a tiny fish tank like crib. I watched you all night long, all morning long til I could no longer keep my eyes open, You slept so peacefully, cradled & wrapped totally in a wee cream cotton blanket. Awesome. Wrapped around like you were nesting within your own little cocoon. Your little face never moving, your expression of peace made me smile. I couldn't take my eyes of you.. what wonderment, what miracles. After just a few hours, just watching you, loving you, feeding you, holding you, bathing you & kissing you I telephoned my Mam from the hospital phone really worried as you still had not yet made a sound, not a cry I had not heard your little noises which would yet become your voice. My Mam, being 320 miles away, just laughed & said "she will cry, you'll hear her soon" Of course she was right, you did have a voice, you did cry occasionally but we were sooo lucky you were a very very content baby, no gripe, no colic etc. You were always sooo easy to Love. The baby toddled, then ran everywhere, skipped & hopped .. rode little tricycles & bicycles. Played with bees & ants thinking they were lovely. Sang songs in the public conveniences when we both needed to use them, sang so I could hear you were safe, sang in the bath .. sang in the car .. sang just about everywhere. Think you should've been born with a book in your hand too.. we read & read, wrote many stories, drew a huge picture of Little Nutbrown Hare for your Nursery wall because you loved the story sooo much. "Guess How Much I Love You" your favourite book of all time & still today it sits on your bookshelf. Over many years, with metaphor & symbolism we've tried to guide you, teach you, support you will all things in all walks of life. Tried to allow you to develop all the tools & skills needed for navigating your way through life's chopping waters. I used to smile & say to you that you're gathering feathers, with every experience you gain a feather or two, explaining soon you would have enough feathers, which would become your wings of life. For you to travel with .. every feather full of experiences, wisdom & knowledge - that when learning to fly . . you'd also have some bumpy landings & all your feathers would fall out :) But, that you'd always have a toolbox too - which can put everything back together .. feathers too .. that with every experience, happy or sad, you get a great lovely new tool to pop into your tool box - so when next needed you have all of life's tools & know which way best to use them :) We've tried to stand on the sidelines yet motivate you to be believe in yourself, your dreams & hold them always close to your heart. To listen to your internal guidance at all times. We've watched you blossom from toddler to a beautiful little girl, from girl to teen. Watched you learning, adapting & evolving from your little life's lessons, all so you know & feel responsibility & consequences. Thus knowing deep down inside you have all the answers you need, you can rely upon your own judgement, know your own needs, feelings & dreams. We've watched you grow into the most beautiful young lady. Our daughter, my baby girl - on this day . . your 18th Birthday - may you forever be safe, forever be healthy & happy. Darling daughter keep shining your goodness, sharing your gorgeous giggles & laughter, your sense of justice, sense of fun, your love & light, your purity, integrity & truth - dearest Soul .. enjoy each & every moment of life & to thine self always be true.
Darling Beauoootiful Soul, Darling Daughter I Love You - We Love You.
Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter, thank you for gracing our lives. For being such a lovely dear kind & special Soul. We're so proud of You
This year is the first Birthday we've been apart. You're off all adult like & mature studying at Uni. Living beside the seaside, the shore of your dreams. There we hope many dreams materialise. Hoping that your 19th year is most magical, absolutely full of adventures, love, laughter, success & happiness. Darling Birthday Girl although we're many miles apart - we're always together in love, close your eyes & take a deep breath .. fill yourself up with love. Always entwined in spirit & always as one in Soul & breath. Love you sooo much.
Often I stand alone, perspectives eagle eyed & broad never seeming the same as the majority. Often pondering the vast & forever changing morals, values & boundaries from generation to generation - the effects & consequence of such changes. Nature, natural & sacredness are words to describe life, in all forms - the intricate & exquisite beauty. The miracles & wondrous phenomena of our very existence & our surroundings to be enjoyed in each & every moment if we choose to see all glory. For example, yesterday the stunning array of flowers unfurling from bud of our Hyacinth. Its simplicity is awesome :) The vibrancy of colour, its divine scent. simple pleasures from the most intricate awesome gifts from Nature. Then we sit down for breakfast, scour through the Morning papers. Many things make me feel sad, many things remind me how much faith, peace, love, hope & positivity is needed to overcome such tragedies we as Humans inflict upon one another. So many countries controlled by regimes, the savage violation of so many. We are fortunate to have & enjoy 'Freedom' & I hope we always will. Sometimes though when I read about things which truly would be controlled in other countries, barred in another & in some the simple moral values & beliefs would be prohibiting enough I question the freedom of certain people to use their own insecurities or desires to exploit others. My observational rant is specifically targeted. Never ever did I want to read such a sentence as this " Dance Teacher Abbey Lee Miller, dressing the children in blah blah blah before asking them to act as if a man can't afford them" I have no idea what Dance Moms is but it doesn't look like the 'Moms' are dancing to me!! Neither does it look like the teacher is a dancer. Digression, back to the observation: it appears these poor little Mites are at the disposal of too many competitive ego's, too much business orientated superficial garbage, tut tu's & frills. I will never ever understand why a innocent child would be told to think "I'm hot, I'm mean blah blah blah. Burlesque routines for 8 year olds!!! Many little girls enjoy dressing up - many don't. Each usually I'd say 'each to their own' . . . but this . . . Moms allowing the dressing up of their little girls to look like naked Burlesque dancers with pink feathers , being told by their supposed Dance Teacher "its crotch & boobs" is just wholly inappropriate. Why . . is it for the fun, the innocent private pleasure playing with friends in the garden, the bedroom, the privacy & safety of the Home .. No .. all played out in the so called name of reality marketing, media network & entertainment.
Its not the dancing, it isn't the playing, its not even the dressing up - its the vile controlling misguided adults perception of what is valuable & sadly what isn't!!!
Back to the Hyacinths, back to contemplation, back to discovering bigger picture lessons, necessity providing whats necessary, back to sending much love, care & kindness with best wishes to all, especially to those who seem to need it the most.