Spring Awakening

It seems an auspicious time for new beginning's.  Nature's awakening, unfurling & bursting from containment is awesome & inspiring. After a long duration of hibernation & slumber the seeds that were once held in darkness & isolation commence into their full vibrant glory. It isn't often I delve into narcissism & its all encompassing  depths. Usually choosing what one can discover to bring value to choices from adaption & conversion.  Yet, its been a tough old time in more ways than one. So even though I can keep my own counsel, kick ones own hauntingly daunting, wavering, somber thoughts  into motivational & inspirational challenges. There are the occasional spells when my Soul is forgotten, when the mind & all its archives & limitations feel the very same needs as the maturing seeds - to burst from containment - to blossom.  Part of life's experiences, part of our emotional journey is the management of our internal power during such challenging times. When the path we tread feels uphill, isolating & difficult I always utilise all of life surrounding me. Embracing & using the energy of the Sun, the Moon, the ebb & for of the tides, the flowers or the trees. Drawing upon anything Nature's energy provides.
Thus in times of need & doubt it seems perfectly sensible to now maximise the benefits of Spring. A wondrous well of motivational energy, to drink from its eternal flows of life, to dip into & bathe when necessary.  Through sharing the needs within this writing the union will bring forth the authenticity of such fusion, the marriage of needs in order to survive & create. The ether will hear the call, the healing will commence & the wisdom will bring its teaching to life, animation & synchronicity again will fill my days with wonderment & awe.
Recently, witnessing death, divorce, decay & dementia my usual positive demeanour started to slide down a slippery slope into disillusion, doubt, hopelessness, querying the transitional transformations occurring & my broad perspectives usually applied. Perhaps its natural to question faith, to challenge beliefs when there's an onslaught of overwhelming toil & troubles. To question the true depths of love from those around.  The dawning that maybe life isn't truly as it could be. The reality that many things are changing, many things need changing & much has changed beyond recognition.
The wondrous beauty about questioning such deep beliefs is the uprising & reminder of all one has to sustain & support. A blessing & reminder of the loyal & loving ally we all have within. Our authenticity, our uniqueness - our Souls' purpose & privilege.  The emergence of strength, the confirmation that 'all' is as its meant to be - a stark reminder that its too easy to drift through the corridors of the mind, to analyse the challenges, the changing face of society & communities, the uprising & fears we all face emotionally, financially & spiritually. Of course what happens to all happens to one, what happens to one happens to all in one way or another. No such thing as an observer. So my feelings aren't isolated, I am not alone in my fears & doubts.
With all benefits to hand, with all freedom we have to enjoy & share. With all the support I can muster from Nature's truths; April showers will become most cleansing & nutritious. The unfurling buds  rousing into blossom, their fragrance divine, the delicate & stunning structure enduring the cold easterly winds to survive will become a guiding light & beacon of hope.  The relentless labours of the long hard Winter & Spring soon to be delicious juicy fruits ready to ripen & pick.  All of these truths must be embraced close to my heart, its time after my long Winter of isolation & in darkness to feel the warmth & light of change. To unravel, unfurl & unwind to become free flowing once again. To feel inspired by life's great mysteries. To rise to all challenges, to explore the unexplored, the do all things which fill me with dread, to face new & daunting roads with excitement for all that is yet to become. To let go of all which no longer serves the Souls' quest, to follow new truths with fearlessness & hope. Never to look longingly back. To give life its opportunity to share its joys within the spontaneous mysteries of the unexpected as opposed to clinging hard to outdated expectations & conditionings.
Welcome Spring, welcome change, welcome growth, renewal & vitality. Welcome all within my heart, please stay awhile. Welcome within my life all newness which is needed, all renewal & growth.  Welcome love, bringer of laughter & of transformation. Welcome all growth & change within each & every cell within me.
Each & every day I must find the newness, the thrills, the sense of belonging. Welcome the thrill of doing unfamiliar tasks, welcome he challenges of being & becoming beyond the past & all limitations..
Welcome the synchronicity of Nature's gifts, welcome Spring & thank you for supporting this opportunity to discover life, love & all yet to become.

Gateways to elsewhere. Paths & processes commence yet no outcomes yet are known. Walkways lined with optimism, supported by trust, with vibrant creative energy for all to believe. Similar routes travelled by many of our ancestors, lessons learnt, wisdom shared - legacies yet to remain.  All things come to pass. The circle of life, of love & as one we journey together. Mind, Body & Soul - once consciousness - one whole. All things come to pass but whilst in the moment - its time to be productive, content, creative & true. To be love, bring love & share the joys of love & life.

With deep respect

Today we attended the funeral of a distant relative, a young gentleman who was killed - by a speeding boy racer - on a pedestrian crossing whilst he was out walking his 'rescued' dog.

Naturally the service was difficult yet no where near as unbearable & grim as it must've been for his Parents, Siblings, Grandparents & Friends. We have a daughter - only a little younger  - oddly enough the Eulogy could've equally been written for her. Such similar directions in life, University, chosen careers & studies. Such a kind, vibrant, happy & lovely Soul. There for the grace of God go I, least I think its a saying used in  a similar scenario.

As we stood listening to the outpouring of celebrations & grief the realisation of the significance of each moment in life is again remembered. To witness such a promising Life snatched away before it was truly fully lived is a reminder to us all of the gifts to be found in the present moment. To appreciate all the joys to be shared, to be thankful for those in our lives.

 The loss enormous to his family & friends was so very apparent, also obvious sadly, were the amount of regrets. "Wish I'd told him . .,  "I never got to thank him.. ,  "I never said . . etc etc all too many sentences spoken by many.  All in deep numbing remorse, so painful their plight so unexpected but so final the death.  Never could their regrets be eased, be shared, never the opportunity to make things right.  Forever they will carry those regretful thoughts, probably held close deep within until the day they die. . if only, how I wish I'd said.  Forever a hole in their hearts, forever there is a missing smile, an empty place at the table, an empty bedroom & full wardrobe.  Forever their memories will now have to serve them well. Never again can they have that stolen moment just to say I Love You, Thank You or I'm Sorry. Everything else fades into insignificance when such important statements remain unspoken. In numbing silence their regret became unbearable for them. In time I hope their pain & remorse will be eased.

I contemplated the difficulties remaining once the deceased family leave the church & cemetery. The funeral service is over.  Their lives will never be the same again. I can't even imagine how the ending of all expectations & his life will now become the beginning of their life from this day forward, their life without their son .. how ever will they find courage & strength for their life to commence or just be.

Mentioning funeral's, they are so different nowadays in comparison to the traditional way in which they used to be served.  So much more personal now, far less formal & still respectfully celebratory.  The tributes , the compliments, the appraisals & plaudits in recognition of the many qualities of the deceased. All so beautiful and shockingly sad. Yet when you hear such amazing qualities described with such an aptitude & enthusiasm for life .. one can be equally distraught & that dreadful sense of hopelessness to overwhelm or one can only try to respectfully find the value when observing such intimate grief, such a loss not only to his family but to humanity.
So much so the value to all in attendence must be to bring home within themselves a greater knowledge & appreciation of their own life & its fragility.  To have life yet not to truly live life can seem so complacent when considering another's whose life has been so tragically stolen - taken without any warning of illness, or without any opportunity to 'change'.  A harsh & cruel sacrifice acting as a reminder to all those who wish to see a life lost must never be in vain.

Today, with deep respect I just wanted to pay homage to this  young gentleman, wanted to chronicle this day & his family's loss & joys to have known such an amazing guy, I wanted to remember this day, to never forget, to always find the inspiration of each & every moment of my life. To never waste a moment which could be shared in kindness, in love, in discovery & in deep reverence.  To remember how significant each & ever moment of each & every day is. To remember the people sharing their celebrations & grief. To remember life is for the living & life is to be lived with the greatest perspectives & greatest Love always.

Long may those who are special, those who are precious, those who give, create & share so much of themselves with so many others. Long may their legacy remain. Equally for those who live yet feel their lives are desolate inside, long may the love shared - when considering 'All is One' - remind them of their own potentials & aspirations. That they are never truly alone. Love shared will always be only a thought away.  Long may the deceased's smile cheer them, long may their enthusiasm for life bring comfort, courage, endurance, stamina & hope.

To all loved ones, to all those who grieve . .  please know you're held close in our hearts, our thoughts & our daily prayers. With deep respect & with our deepest condolences.

I've chosen photographs I've taken of of our garden trees, as the deceased young man loved nature, loved animals & loved trees. So peaceful, so strong, so with deep respect, together all as one in love.

Together in Love

The Miracle of Love

 3.57am, on the 17th March 1993 - with every breath, great enduring stamina, pain then stillness then pain & ultimately celebrations you entered our physical world. Still bathed in your womb waters you entered the birthing waters with much gusto & speed. A tornado of loving energy bursting to life from the deep , unknown to me, chambers within me. Your place of maturation, your sacred harbour, your place for evolving growth & safety, a bed of nourishment, love & protection for 9 months within me you did dwell. (Well it should've been 9 months but you decided to come 3 weeks early!!) At 3.57am your independent life commenced.  Our Miracle of Love. 

We were graced with the most precious gift of life, our darling Daughter. The most beautiful tiny little face, perfect as if painted by an artist . . not a crease, mark, bruise or wrinkled prune like complexion . .  your little face was as serene as an angel sleeping. Beautiful smooth soft skin, cute delightful little button nose & divine angelic cupid bow mouth. Looking as if you'd just been dropped into our life from the heavens above. No sign of the traumas of your birth. Swaddled in a little new borns tiny birthing blanket they handed you  to me.  Not a sound, nor cry or whimpering came out of your mouth. Just a tiny little breath of life - moving your chest as you gently peacefully inhaled & exhaled - was the only indication of life.  As I held you for the very first time, a tiny 6lb 10oz beautiful little sweet baby girl my heart, my Soul & my whole life as I knew it dissolved into infinite maternal love. As I held your tiny perfect long fingers I knew you would hold my heart forever as I would hold your hand forever, by your side with love I would always be. Your eyes opened when we were left alone to rest in the birthing lounge. Your eyes bright, curious & peaceful you looked straight into ours and when Daddy had to go home to go straight to work . You slept in a tiny fish tank like crib. I watched you all night long, all morning long til I could no longer keep my eyes open, You slept so peacefully, cradled & wrapped totally in a wee cream cotton  blanket. Awesome. Wrapped around like  you were nesting within your own little cocoon. Your little face never moving, your expression of peace made me smile. I couldn't take my eyes of you.. what wonderment, what miracles.  After just a few hours, just watching you, loving you, feeding you, holding you, bathing you & kissing you I telephoned my Mam from the hospital phone really worried as you still had not yet made a sound, not a cry I had not heard your little noises which would yet become your voice. My Mam, being 320 miles away, just laughed & said "she will cry, you'll hear her soon" Of course she was right, you did have a voice, you did cry occasionally but we were sooo lucky you were a very very content baby, no gripe, no colic  etc. You were always sooo easy to Love. The baby toddled, then ran everywhere, skipped & hopped ..  rode little tricycles & bicycles. Played with bees & ants thinking they were lovely.  Sang songs in the public conveniences when we both needed to use them, sang so I could hear you were safe, sang in the bath ..  sang in the car ..  sang just about everywhere. Think you should've been born with a book in your hand too.. we read & read, wrote many stories, drew a huge picture of Little Nutbrown Hare for your Nursery wall because you loved the story sooo much. "Guess How Much I Love You" your favourite book of all time & still today it sits on your bookshelf. Over many years, with metaphor & symbolism we've tried to guide you, teach you, support you will all things in all walks of life. Tried to allow you to develop all the tools & skills needed for navigating your way through life's chopping waters. I used to smile & say to you that you're gathering feathers,  with every experience you gain a feather or two, explaining soon you would have enough feathers, which would become your wings of life. For you to travel with ..  every feather full of experiences, wisdom & knowledge - that when learning to fly . . you'd also have some bumpy landings & all your feathers would fall out :) But, that you'd always have a toolbox too - which can put everything back together  .. feathers too ..  that with every experience, happy or sad,  you get a great lovely new tool to pop into your tool box - so when next needed you have all of life's tools & know which way best to use them :) We've tried to stand on the sidelines yet motivate you to be believe in yourself, your dreams & hold them always close to your heart. To listen to your internal guidance at all times. We've watched you blossom from toddler to a beautiful little girl, from girl to teen. Watched you learning, adapting & evolving from your little life's lessons, all so you know & feel responsibility & consequences. Thus knowing deep down inside you have all the answers you need,  you can rely upon your own judgement, know your own needs, feelings & dreams. We've watched you grow into the most beautiful young lady. Our daughter, my baby girl - on this day . . your 18th Birthday - may you forever be safe, forever be healthy & happy. Darling daughter keep shining your goodness, sharing your gorgeous giggles & laughter, your sense of justice, sense of fun, your love & light, your purity, integrity & truth - dearest Soul .. enjoy each & every moment of life & to thine self always be true.

Darling Beauoootiful Soul, Darling Daughter I Love You - We Love You.

Thank you for being such a wonderful daughter, thank you for gracing our lives.
 For being such a lovely dear kind & special Soul. We're so proud of You

xXx

This year is the first Birthday we've been apart. You're off all adult like & mature studying at Uni. Living beside the seaside, the shore of your dreams. There we hope many dreams materialise. Hoping that your 19th year is most magical, absolutely full of adventures, love, laughter, success & happiness. Darling Birthday Girl although we're many miles apart - we're always together in love, close your eyes & take a deep breath ..  fill yourself up with love. Always entwined in spirit & always as one in Soul & breath. Love you sooo much. 

Happy 19th Birthday Angel.