Waaa & Baa

 A whole 6 weeks has flown by since we first brought the little ladies home. How quickly flea & worming time comes around. Last time, we were meant to have all worming, weighing & micro chipping done together but we didn't manage to get them done - which actually has now turned out to be an amazingly fortunate bit of luck  - as the vet unbelievably could only find ONE micro chip & had no further bags in stock. Amazingly fortunate as its all computer ordered, so the staff were shocked at this bizarre occurrence as they've always got an extra bag of microchips in stock - anyway we refused saying we'd rebook to have them done together at the same time at they're next worming & weighing. 

Who would've ever believed we would now have only one pup to be wormed & weighed!  Wow - Sooo much has changed since then, in such a short time a huge difference remains. It was quiet strange to telephone the vets to  request an appointment for one pup - sad but amusingly as I had no fears of taking Twiz -  I laughed remembering after all she was the brave one, she was the little one who didn't flinch an inch when she had her vaccination whereas Kyloe was absolutely yelping as if being skinned alive!!  Least I wouldn't have to witness such drama's. Being a bit of a wimp myself! 

We arrived at the car park to the vets. Twiz walked really well on her lead to the door of the vets. Sadly we discovered our usual vet is on holiday, so Twiz didn't receive any of the usual loving affection, as our vet just absolutely goes dotty over them, wants to keep them & cuddles them every time we see her!!  So, after a few little cuddles & strokes with the receptionist we were called into a different treatment room, a very smelly room - phewwwieee - yuk - anyway Twiz was quite happy, probably as her last memory was of the lovely Lesley feeding her & Kyloe slices of sausages!

Twiz happily scrambled up onto the scales, although I have no idea how he - the dour male vet - managed to take her true weight as the measurements just fluctuated the whole time!! Then he filled in all of the forms & got out the huge H U G E microchip needle ready to use. Whoa it was thick, ooooh ouch - bless I imagined it would really hurt. It did!!!! I also imagined he would be quite a lot more gentle. I've never heard a dog yelp the way Twizel did, poor poooor little Soul - he was sooo rough & the HUGE needle has to go in quite far & then he has to inject the microchip - whoooa OUCH Twizel yelped as if she was being skinned alive then rolled in salt!! She then looked terrifed and cuddled into me - he then wanted to put her advocate treatment on, I asked if he could do it higher up so it didnt trickle into her open wound!! Poor little Soul she was bleeding too. I asked him to give her a treat as she'd been sooo good & well behaved - I wouldve bitten him if I'd been Twiz!! he gave her a treat but hardly any recognition or strokes - note to self " make sure we wont ever ever have him again " .. he's such a thug ha ha. I don't like his lack of bedside manners!

I returned straight home & poor Twizel slept for hours afterwards, looking very sore & sorry for herself.  Luckily, she's now really taken to her little Rammy - she sleeps with him on a night time in place of Kyloe but today little Rammy was a source of great comfort during Twizel's recovery from her painful visit to the vets. I peeked in every half hour os so to see how she was doing & couldn't resist taking a photie of the two of them curled up together recuperating!!

Twizel & Rammy recuperating 

Limpet loveliness

After a fabulous night in Brighton witnessing the most amazing - awesome - never know how anyone can make a guitar sound like that - guitarist (Mr Jeff Beck) we returned quite late, arriving home to unexpected company so I didnt get to bed til this morning .. so little Twiz had a late one too which fortunately meant my unintended oblivion to the dawn wee walk was fine. As I awoke suddenly at 7.45am. Bless her dear little heart, she was obviously still curled up fast asleep as I trundled downstairs. Even though the utility room door is closed, I can hear if she's awake :) the whole house can hear if she's awake. This morning in absolute silence I quietly opened the door thinking I'd make it to the back door to open it before she can reach it. Her little excited wagging tail encouraging exciting morning first widdles prematurely!! I opened the back door & slowly Twiz rises from her bed, placing her paws down onto the utility room floor  she slips back down into a little heap.
OOoh yesterday that extra long walk in the woods & the extra lost in the woods walk  must've worn her little self out. Also those lovely teenagers who were pup sitting maybe played & played & played. . all exhausting her. I laugh, reassuring her it isn't that cold so c'mon outside wee'weee's !! Remembering she doesn't like the cold Northernly winds & wouldn't go outside yesterday to begun with as it was so cold!! The bum wags even while she's still lying down, although she's still soo subdued!! Okay theres only one way to make this happen! I walk outside and within seconds she's at my feet ..  yaaaay now lets walk!! I know the drill already, I move my feet & you twirl around them in your best efforts to bring me crashing down to your perspectives!!
Ah bless her Soul, as soon as I stop she sits down & looks up so adoringly - waiting  & anticipating the most affectionate  strokes to be bestowed upon her simultaneously knowing it wont happen until she's done her wee'wee's. I remind her why we're outside in the cold, why I'm standing only in a dressing gown & why the paws upon the very muddy garden means no jumping up on me :) 
Yaaaay bum down - deed done! I can retreat back to bed leaving Twiz enjoying her breakfast. . .although I use enjoying as if she will actually enjoy it!!!! Still she is soo fussy with her food. I'm quite sure within another day or so I will have tried her on every single dog food there is available on the market!!!
Yesterday she wouldn't eat any dried food whatsoever! Today she has minuscule scissor cut pieces of chicken skin & chicken ( the tiniest amount from the carcass) & I know she'll have managed to lick it out from that horrible dried stuff you mix with my food!!!
I will return to a full bowl of dog food minus the tiniest morsels of chicken! 
She's hanging on in there - she must know its Sunday!! Ah Roast day today - brill I'll just wait I loved those Yorkshire Puddings!!!!
Still her loveliness is a joy, even if it's momentarily in the funniest of ways .. limpet loveliness. Soon I'm sure her excitement & her joie de vivre will return.  Probably in about 2 hours when we all trundle downstair for breakfast :) Until then I can hear her playing beautifully with her little kong squeaker & kong empty treat cone. Bless she can have them all to herself too - its seems too quiet but I can relax knowing the silence means one little bout of happiness as opposed to two little pups getting into mischief!!  

A whole hole

There is an enormous empty space by my side, this void that's usually filled with my most precious beloved Kyloe.  This small little pup, who doesn't take up much space, has left a void as huge as a black hole. An empty chasm which seems to completely fill the whole room I'm in - whichever room that may be.  This infinite emptiness continued in the whole of our garden. I'd never know before such wholeness of a hole.
Its dawn, its dark - the rising morning sun light slowly trying to penetrate the unilluminated sky. The morning breeze chills & blows, the leaves falling like confetti from the trees. The entwining spirits soar & I can feel the vibrant life force of my darling little Kyloe as she chases each & every single leaf. I can see in my minds eye Twizell & Kyloe in a unison of twisting, circling & rolling delights, joined at the hips their little bums, paws & tails in perfect rhythm as together they both try to hold onto the same leaf in their mouths. We've enjoyed many such awakening dawn's together. Yet this morning I have an empty, motionless garden, eerily everything looks the same but feels sooo different. Little Twizell is wrapped around my ankles, sitting on my feet. If I walk she walks, if I stand still she stands still then sits.
Maybe we're both noticing this huge emptiness in our hearts & play.
The morning rituals seem to take half the time, noticing immediately their cosy bed, once full of two little dark noses & tow little wagging tails looks half full.  As does the utility room - there is only one water bowl & one dinner dish.  My breath is taken, I gasp to release the pain excruciatingly filling my chest, tears stream as I walk around the garden taking Twizell for weee wee's. She runs to her little place, wee wee's then runs straight back.  Instinctively I pick up the jingling balls that I've just trodden on, two little balls with strong chewable ribbons projecting out of each ball, both bound together with a thick piece of elastic. I am just about to throw it when I realise it /life won't ever be the same again. I want to sob uncontrollably but I have Twizell still at my feel sitting rather subdued & looking very sorrowful. I wonder if she misses her sister or if its because her sister is always so playful & such a wonderful character that Twizell simply just follows or maybe its because perhaps I've always noticed Kyloe's play a little more. C'est la Vie
Routines are maintained, from a kindness aspect we thought its best to keep Twizell - one of the most good,  gorgeous,  such well adapting, behaved independent pups - in the already established routines as normality must continue.  Although, of course naturally I sooooo just want to pick her up, take her back to bed with us & spoil her rotten. Which undoubtedly would undo all of the hard work & lovely routines created.
Twizel & Kyloe had their own domain, their own bed, their own routines which worked perfectly with ours. But more than that it meant if we ever had to go out & leave them or anyone came to stay here with them - their routine wasn't changed. Their harmony & happiness could also be found rooted into their usual domain & bed. If I change all that she may feel unsettled.  At least as much as possible of her night & day are the same - hmmm same used loosely - except for this whole little being not being part of our daily life, that whole little being who created a feeling of wholeness. That darling little Soul has left such a huge huge wholeness of a hole!!!  Again I can't breathe, my heart & chest hurt so much rising & falling with every quiet deep sob. How can I miss a little pup sooo much, how is it possible she can still have the strings of my heart wrapped firmly around her paws - right there - miles away - in her new home.
I heard her little laughter & little bark thru the night, I've never heard her bark thru the night but here in the slumber & privacy of my dreams she came to play - crouching , running & barking , we were laughing & chasing, the thrill & joys overflowing. I awoke in floods of tears -  I cried & cried because I couldn't hold her- she wasn't here yet her presence is suffocatingly painful.
I'm astounded at my sadness spilling over, an unashamed outpouring of grief - a puppy - for goodness sake - a puppy!! Especially as I still have another little  puppy asleep right now in her bed!! .. but Kyloe ... Kyloe was my pup.  Twizel is Hubby's & Daughter's pup. Kyloe stared deep into my Soul & me into her's from the first moment we met.  We had this infinity thing going on. We walked into each others lives & changed our hearts & world forever.
Kyloe was the runt of the litter - everyone notices how pretty Twizell is, what lovely markings, what a lovely temperament. Kyloe is so full of energy, so excited to meet people she would erupt into a swirling leaping bundle of tongue & tummy tickles - often not knowing which to do first lie down or jump up. Unfortunatley this burst of excitement would cause peeps to pull back, stand up, or simply move her away & stroke the more apparently sane pup - who actually just figured it all out -  if she just sat still she'd be stroked first!! 
Think if many of our visitors weren't customers or client sit would be different but as most are dressed in their suits etc we just couldn't allow the pups to jump up, especially with the mud.  Kyloe never got this to begin with, sooo delighted to see you she would just burst with joy & exuberance. Jumping on her hind legs for all she was worth. yet, amongst the two -  she became so obedient, so loyal, so courageous, so funny & so wholly full of character. A little rare rough diamond!! I decided from day one I would nurture this little Soul & touch her world with kindness - reach her heart & intelligence with patience.
It seemed we had a lot in common, stick around long enough to see past & through the external, rough ragged appearance one can reach & have access to a heart full of endless love just waiting to be discovered.   Kyloe's heart was there for the loving, if only people would give her that chance. I took her on, I could understand the language she spoke from behind her eyes, her Soul shone, speaking with such clarity.
Yes, no doubts at all I absolutely love Kyloe - she is definitely the right pup (they're both are the right pups - just  very very sadly not together) We found our own rhythm , our unique beat, we united in laughter & all of the time I spent with her was such an investment, she became fully into herself.  An amazing pup yet one who hasnt even begun to fully become all the amazing qualities she has inside. She is soo soo very intelligent & soo agile.   Often I would whisper a command & she'd hear it & do it instantly.  When we would sit & play - testing how quietly I could whisper & how fast she would respond - she is so responsive.
Its inherent & a well known trait Border Terriers have the most sensitive hearing.  Twizell would sit watching, wondering what we were doing. However, Kyloe - it really was like a sacred love affair - she knew exactly what I was doing & when I was speaking to her.  If I walked into the room  she became mine & I became hers.  When we were all out on a walk, always she was the first to come haring round the corner to find me when we played hide & seek. always responsive to her name. (the fact that she runs the fastest has nothing to do with it :)
Oooh dear this hole which will unveil itself every day & every where, I will have to remember such emptiness can be filled, especially with Twizell and hopefully occasionally fleeting moments again with the little pup I've known as Kyloe.   As we hope we can still allow & continue with The Adventures of :) .. Kyloe & Twizel. Adventures in the local woods & meadows, that we're allowed to watch and admire the sisters playing & maturing together  still loving & respecting each other without ever having to fight for superiority!  If ever we can meet up with Kyloe's new family/pack. It will also be lovely to see the wholeness  within her new family - how much they love her & how happy she looks.  Yes I think a rendezvous would be quite perfect. Its lucky for us they,the family who came to pick her up & take her off to their home, for new beginnings & a whole new life, seem such a gorgeous lot, very caring & sensitive to our sadness too. Importantly, they do already seem to love her so much.  I am most confident Kyloe will completely fill their family with her love, of which she is an endless source & will bring them much joy.


Twizell, in time will become a whole little pup as opposed to half of Kyloe. Kyloe will have a family who adore her  - and as she just loves children  I envisage she will be by her new, 10 year old,  masters side forever ! Many journeys in woods, meadows with unlimited adventures.
I wish the whole family every joy & success with Kyloe, no matter what they rename her if they do, she will always be Kyloe to me in my heart. Kyloe is a name reflecting the full and evocative beauty, wildness & freedom of the Borders in Northumberland- a name captured within a  little wholeness of being who has left a huge huge hole in my heart - that at this very minute seems everlasting & impossible to fill.

Goodbye & Thankyou.

Soon, I'm sure - I hope - all will come to make sense & the loss will soon feel like a  gain of contentment knowing I've done the right thing - the thought of my darling pups fighting as they mature was just not an option I  was willing to take.  Funnily enough although my heart does break & tears flow - my Soul is at peace. For Kyloe & Twizel I have done the responsible thing based on information shared by professional breeders & dog trainers.


How I wish I'd logged & blogged more when we first had Kyloe, so many things captured in the font - although I will always remember - sometimes its lovely to be able to read back over the firsts, the frivolous fun, the friskiness & of course endless love.


Bless you little Kyloe - in the hearts of all you meet you will dwell!


Every night I will always continue to say, " God Bless your little Soul "  as I bless Twizell's, switch out Twizell's light to leave her to her dreams in the quiet Utility room as we all retire to beddy byes. Maybe the cats will move into the cosy bed with Twizell - there is plenty of room!!




Kyloe - I miss you, somehow I think I always will. xXx

K Y L O E   R O S E  
(after asking her if she'd eaten the chicken poop!)