Why Wonder Why

 Blessed are those who give without remembering

and take without forgetting

There are many things I hold in great wonder and beauty. There are few things I wonder about; most things are accepted immediately as simply part of life's lessons, to explore the values of which ever learning path or curve tread upon. Such an enriching process from which we all evolve & become. Wonderment is always a constant companion, a great source of stimulation & pleasing contemplation. Sometimes to 'wonder why' about circumstance  is a most worthy opponent to the usual inner calm, internal peace, tranquility & trust. During such 'sometimes' the "wonder why" becomes "I wonder why I wonder", then naturally descending into  the realms of "I wonder why I wonder why" which ultimately leads to "wondering why I wonder why I wonder why I wonder"  You can see simply how wondering can take us furthest from the facts.  'Thinking' can cause all sorts of explorations - adventures into the corridors of the mind, passages of confusion, dimly lit avenues of reasoning. All kinds of minds varying kinds of reasoning. Further thinking  -which isn't always a good thing to do - concluding thoughts naturally form judgements, thoughts draw conclusions or thoughts may even take on board the influence of such thoughts depending upon the person from which they were first bore. Proving even when they're anothers thoughts somehow they can still become - infuse & flavour - part of your own.  Which gives birth to much more contemplation wondering then but who owns the thought, in whose cellular level will the emotion of the thoughts deposit themselves. Therefore one must  then ask oneself who does the problem then belong to.  Should you then consider the intention of the thoughts before they were shared before you own them.  All seems way too complicated for me. Wandering & wondering my way around the many corridors of many such pondering, intentions & subsequent action it struck me recently how little control people really have over their minds, their thoughts & actions depending upon their internal balance & eagle eyed vision. Wondering just how much of their Soul governs their way of being, or how much their ego controls their way of doing.  The intentions of actions - do they serve the greater good for all or simply for the self, serving a trait of narcissism. A craving for the approval & attention of others which drifts way beyond the realms of decency.  How far I wonder would you go to receive such acceptance and approval from those you love, those you don't particularly love, those you know, those you don't know at all. I wonder at the seduction, the needs & the sacrifices - the lengths such needs would wander to receive their adoration, How far would you go to fit in, to be needed to be part of & wanted.  To celebrate the values of such pleasures, the cost of such entwining . Would you sell your soul because your ego needs so much more & anyone's more is good enough or does some little inner voice of wisdom & conscience lead you back to authenticity & truth. Hauling you back from treading the long endless trek of self serving gratitude. To celebrate just how special you are, just how important you are - as if there's some contract formed with every exchange of expression or kindness.  The expectations of owning & of being owed something in return ..  if there is no return then hell hath no fury than the narcissists needs. 

Inadvertently I wandered into anothers wonders, I of course had many choices I could wonder too & become the product of needs, my needs & necessity. I could of course observe, feel the choices, understand the needs & draw conclusions that for the greater good we all at some point are influenced by our own needs more than others. My overwhelming moment wanting to exchange my opinions in the defence of another far less able. To explore why some folk intentionally tell lies, intentionally set out to cause hurt & pain - intentionally do things which cause a lot of people a lot of upset & destruction. All for their own selfish self serving needs & gain.  Perhaps in a survival situation, or circumstances beyond our control its instinctive to self serve but in general - all as one.  Always I guess our choices reflect our inner mechanics. Naturally, its so much easier to consider others make choices similar to our own. Maybe its because we have no comprehension to be any other way so we naturally assume most folk are similar in morals &  outlook. As if there's a common rule of thumb for all.  Perspectives are after all a reflection of all that surrounds us & a reflection perhaps of all within us.  This proves fascinating when you come up against the splintering of all which we assume keeps us together can be equal to all which keeps us apart. Love binds us together in many ways  it also, it seems,  restricts & restrain some. Rising insecurities, jealousy, control & fear. The counterparts of great love. 

For me, life remains most simple if all things, people attitudes & ways are considered in the court of love, the chambers of the unconditional love. The simplicity of bringing warmth & peace, simplicity of being a giver rather than a taker. To share unconditional love & all offerings without any expectation of rewards, acknowledgement or other. To simply want to bring harmony, to create peace, to bring light into any darkened situations. Instinctively, we don't have to wonder whether its right or wrong to help someone - its just an instinctive way of being.  So then, when there are ulterior motives, when the end gain isn't best for the person supposedly being helped assumptions are made, limitations are formed as liberties are taken. Either way, when one gives their time & help to another its is usually the help the recipient not inadvertently to please & help oneself.  Unless of course narcissism  is entrenched deeply within every single action & thought. When self is far greater than Soul ( my understanding is the Soul serves all) when approval is more significant then anonymity & humility. Much & many have made me wonder. so many things considered, many qualities of being contemplated. Loyalty, kindness & truth.  How far would you go to prove to another such qualities truly dwell within you, what would be the cost of such fierce competitiveness. I say competitiveness because if one was loyal, kind & true you would just be oneself, happy to be & do without any need to prove such worth & value. The acts of kindness in such cases many times are quite invisible to most except the recipient. Its when the ego of narcissism needs to feed its unquenchable hunger  

Often there can be so many details in this kind of play, the role of the taker, the role of the rescuer, the role of the teacher. The question being, do you help someone enough so they fully depend upon you - so you are constantly needed & maybe feel important or do you teach & help someone to be fully self sufficient & as happy as they can be in their circumstances.  

If you're sitting in bath full of grubby water - do you invite many more people to jump into the filth to make it worse or do you pull the plug so you can fill the bath with pure, clean running water. Then with a little care, planning & compliance all can benefit from the water even if all can't bathe at the same time.

After witnessing premeditated destruction of many good & wonderful long established relationships - when I was thinking I concluded - through the greed, insecurities & narcissism of others needs being greater than the ones of those who needed help - after many circles were travelled I quickly exited my mind, dived into the oceans of compassion, empathy & love dwelling deep within deciding to pray.

For those who need our prayers & love most - may their conscience awaken.  May they feel the error of their ways & know how to repair all damage.  May they find inner peace & contentment thus allowing others to be peaceful 7 content too. May they discover self approval & self awareness is enough when kindness is their guidance.  May they learn from their mistakes & move on.  May they find love , friendship & contentment in their lives.  Bless those who need blessings the most. Pray for all those reeling back in heartache & pain may you find the courage inside to Love those who hurt you most & learn much value from their lessons.

Remembering, we have all the information we need in every given moment if only we trust life, life's process & all sacred entwining.